I’ve always feared and dreaded change. Big or small, easy or hard, I’ve always feared the unknown. Unfortunately life is full of changes that are unavoidable. The most terrifying change has hit my life recently- going from being a happily married mama to a single mother of a toddler. After a series of painful choices that my husband made, I decided to leave him and take our son with me. I never would have guessed that I could ever be in this situation.
The first night I laid in my parent’s guest bedroom trying to sleep with my little guy snoozing beside me. I had so many thoughts going through my head. I kept hoping that this was all a dream and I’d wake up from this nightmare. How could someone that I gave my heart and soul to betray me? As I somehow made it through the next few days, I experienced a range of emotions- fear, depression, anger and sadness. All I could do is keep myself together for Connor and I while I tried to put my broken heart back together.
As welcomed as my parents made me, I struggled to accept the changes. I would be commuting to work in 25 minutes instead of 10, figuring out how the heck am I going to move on with my life, and figuring out how to juggle everything while caring for Connor, without his father there by my side.
After I made it though the first week, I finally felt the strength to stay positive. I’ve always been stubborn and haven’t been open on accepting help. I had to change my mindset and let my family help me, for my sake and Connor’s. After a rough day, I finally accepted my sister’s offer to help me by taking Connor for a few hours. Accepting her help was a right decision and I felt refreshed when she brought my son back home a few hours later.
It has been nearly three weeks since I left my husband. I’ve taken charge of my life and I’ve faced my fear of changes. I’m learning that not all change is bad. As I prepare to file for divorce, the challenges that life brings aren’t going to get any easier, but I’m embracing the changes with an optimistic mindset.